Welcome and Gracias, Grace, Come Well.

For all kinds of reasons, I have started and ended blogs over the past six years. Self-judgement, fear of rejection and criticism, etc. This time around I have been as careful as I can about anonymity. I get annoyed at some bloggers with the way they refer to their kids, jobs, spouses, lovers friends and whatnot--but you all know what is up in my life and the risks I can not take. I thank and love you folks, you are a lifeline for me.

What is yoyoabandonado? Well, yesterday in school, I read a story with my dear "Dora"--it is called the bracelet--a haunting and brief account of a second grade girl who is forced to leave her berkely, ca home in 1942 (japanese-american internment camps). We were talking about the locations in the story, and how they illustrate the feelings of the characters. When I asked Dora about how the dusty, empty horse's stalls where the family would be living showed how the family felt, she offered the Spanish word abandonado. This is one of those rare instances where the English language had fewer words to describe a feeling than the Spanish. Usually it is the other way around. And so we couldn't decide on the best English word for abandonado: the Spanish does it better.

Yo-yo's are toys, and yo is the Spanish word for I--sometimes I feel abandonada, too. Often in a yo-yo way. Ups and downs like mad. and of course guilt comes with the logic that I know I have so much to be grateful for. So I need to just greet that desperation, that hopelessness and neglect some days--Hi there. I am not surprised to see you yet again. But I am going to get some stuff done today. You can come along with me if you like, but I must warn you--I am going to have to ignore you.

My mind is like a game with conflicting rules. Midwest rules?