Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Monday, August 17, 2009

blog-go abandonado

  • no, I don't have one thousand four dollars and ninety-seven cents for three months' insurance premium, which claudia "doesn't have a record of my paying for" um, cause I didn't pay for it.
  • sure, I'll come by the office with a check this afternoon.
  • yes, I am in love.
  • yes, I got my job back for fall.
  • no, I am not sorry for not blogging all summer.
  • yes, I am sorry for starting up again.

Friday, May 15, 2009

I love you, I really love you.

This one's for my dearest of friends.
To You
--Walt Whitman


Whoever you are, I fear you are walking the walks of dreams,
I fear these supposed realities are to melt from under your feet and hands,
Even now your features, joys, speech, house, trade, manners,
troubles, follies, costume, crimes, dissipate away from you,
Your true soul and body appear before me.
They stand forth out of affairs, out of commerce, shops, work,
farms, clothes, the house, buying, selling, eating, drinking,
suffering, dying.

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem,
I whisper with my lips close to your ear.
I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.

O I have been dilatory and dumb,
I should have made my way straight to you long ago,
I should have blabb'd nothing but you, I should have chanted nothing
but you.

I will leave all and come and make the hymns of you,
None has understood you, but I understand you,
None has done justice to you, you have not done justice to yourself,
None but has found you imperfect, I only find no imperfection in you,
None but would subordinate you, I only am he who will never consent
to subordinate you,
I only am he who places over you no master, owner, better, God,
beyond what waits intrinsically in yourself.

Painters have painted their swarming groups and the centre-figure of all,
From the head of the centre-figure spreading a nimbus of gold-color'd light,
But I paint myriads of heads, but paint no head without its nimbus
of gold-color'd light,
From my hand from the brain of every man and woman it streams,
effulgently flowing forever.

O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you!
You have not known what you are, you have slumber'd upon yourself
all your life,
Your eyelids have been the same as closed most of the time,
What you have done returns already in mockeries,
(Your thrift, knowledge, prayers, if they do not return in
mockeries, what is their return?)

The mockeries are not you,
Underneath them and within them I see you lurk,
I pursue you where none else has pursued you,
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the
accustom'd routine, if these conceal you from others or from
yourself, they do not conceal you from me,
The shaved face, the unsteady eye, the impure complexion, if these
balk others they do not balk me,
The pert apparel, the deform'd attitude, drunkenness, greed,
premature death, all these I part aside.

There is no endowment in man or woman that is not tallied in you,
There is no virtue, no beauty in man or woman, but as good is in you,
No pluck, no endurance in others, but as good is in you,
No pleasure waiting for others, but an equal pleasure waits for you.As for me, I give nothing to any one except I give the like carefully
to you,
I sing the songs of the glory of none, not God, sooner than I sing
the songs of the glory of you.

Whoever you are! claim your own at any hazard!
These shows of the East and West are tame compared to you,
These immense meadows, these interminable rivers, you are immense
and interminable as they,
These furies, elements, storms, motions of Nature, throes of apparent
dissolution, you are he or she who is master or mistress over them,
Master or mistress in your own right over Nature, elements, pain,
passion, dissolution.

The hopples fall from your ankles, you find an unfailing sufficiency,
Old or young, male or female, rude, low, rejected by the rest,
whatever you are promulges itself,
Through birth, life, death, burial, the means are provided, nothing
is scanted,
Through angers, losses, ambition, ignorance, ennui, what you are
picks its way.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

freedom

freedom from or freedom to . . .

"freedom from" is from the negative stuff, like from illegal search and seizure.

"freedom to" is the to participate in, create, engage, be proactive, like to petition the government.

yes, we have been discussing the bill of rights at school.

i had the students rank their favorites, and Lenka's was #9. I had summarized it as "But that's not all!"

we all get the freedom from part at a young age. but what do you relish the freedom to do?

I am free to love, to express myself, to wander Lincoln Square for hours without feeling too guilty since the boys are with the Gnom-bot anyway. Free to let myself go, free FROM harassing myself into a negative space.

Monday, May 11, 2009

prayer

sometimes people to whom I am supposedly close, they don't know what matters most to me. and then, my sister-in-law's grandmother, who reminds me so much of my departed Grammy, tells me she's been thinking about me, and I ask her to pray for me. which is so crazy considering. . . i left the catholic church "officially" in 2004 when I lost babyeike . . . and she is old school with a capital K in the middle of school . ..

but I pray for god, however we can define it, to be my strength.

if you haven't prayed in awhile, and you've been thinking, worrying about me, give something new a shot. say a prayer! as my denomination has posited, "Is God keeping you from going to church?" -- my lack of a comprehensible god has kept me from praying for years now . . . i follow along with a minister's prayer, and i hook into the essence of god now and then, usually when i am worried that i am about to pass out and die (i've come close, you know). . . here's my prayer, you can pray it too, till you hear the words God has been telling you.

Let God be my Strength, I'll take it; I'll use it,
Let God be my Air my Food my Water my Thoughts my Ears my Mind my Motor my Ink
my Mind my Skin my Shelter.
Let God be my Body my Spirit my Companion my ledge to wedge along my Love
my Connection my Care my Joy

God, let God be my Patience, my Compassion my Blanket
my Filter my Paper my Rest my Amusement
Let God be Relief, a comforting touch, a soft kiss, a fifty dollar bill,
a well-earned wrinkle, a kinky gray hair

Let God be my Rock, my Friend, my Destination/my Journey
let God set me forth on my journey back home to god life earth salt light sincerity.

God be my Strength. God be my Weight. God be my Reps and my Rest between Sets.

God be blasphemer, pornographer, whore.
God, teach me beyond this Enough what awaits is, More.
More to feel More to love More to look on and hear; more to take without guilt, more to give without fear.

God accept me.
God keep me, or if ya think, let me go-
God send Me out soon to be
a Lamp in the darkness and guide Our circle home.