prayer

sometimes people to whom I am supposedly close, they don't know what matters most to me. and then, my sister-in-law's grandmother, who reminds me so much of my departed Grammy, tells me she's been thinking about me, and I ask her to pray for me. which is so crazy considering. . . i left the catholic church "officially" in 2004 when I lost babyeike . . . and she is old school with a capital K in the middle of school . ..

but I pray for god, however we can define it, to be my strength.

if you haven't prayed in awhile, and you've been thinking, worrying about me, give something new a shot. say a prayer! as my denomination has posited, "Is God keeping you from going to church?" -- my lack of a comprehensible god has kept me from praying for years now . . . i follow along with a minister's prayer, and i hook into the essence of god now and then, usually when i am worried that i am about to pass out and die (i've come close, you know). . . here's my prayer, you can pray it too, till you hear the words God has been telling you.

Let God be my Strength, I'll take it; I'll use it,
Let God be my Air my Food my Water my Thoughts my Ears my Mind my Motor my Ink
my Mind my Skin my Shelter.
Let God be my Body my Spirit my Companion my ledge to wedge along my Love
my Connection my Care my Joy

God, let God be my Patience, my Compassion my Blanket
my Filter my Paper my Rest my Amusement
Let God be Relief, a comforting touch, a soft kiss, a fifty dollar bill,
a well-earned wrinkle, a kinky gray hair

Let God be my Rock, my Friend, my Destination/my Journey
let God set me forth on my journey back home to god life earth salt light sincerity.

God be my Strength. God be my Weight. God be my Reps and my Rest between Sets.

God be blasphemer, pornographer, whore.
God, teach me beyond this Enough what awaits is, More.
More to feel More to love More to look on and hear; more to take without guilt, more to give without fear.

God accept me.
God keep me, or if ya think, let me go-
God send Me out soon to be
a Lamp in the darkness and guide Our circle home.

on being, and being with, a —

jameson and bacardi . . . not a good combo! I can not hold my liquor. WHY did I take that shot? total peer pressured, already too tipsy to think it through moment. one of the many ways in which I am a pussy. at least i had the mind to puke a portion of it up before the trip home.

now, I don't use this word in a derogatory fashion too often, because I love my pussy. It's fantastic. But, what do I do about someone who is, ya know, kinda being one? A wimp, a not-macho-enough-even-by-my-embarrassingly-low-standards young gentleman? I call this fellow young, when he is in fact older than I. But never married, no kids, never even lived with someone or thought about engagement? As my dearest Jameson&Soda slurping whore said last night, "Every time you say that he's nice I wanna punch him in the face!"

I told him to buy me a dress and he got me a souvenir magnet. Last night I asked for a motorcycle, or a Vespa, but I don't think he'll deliver.

• The plan for Thursday, is that I get divorced and get my real last name back. That's awesome, right? I've been using it since the start of the school year . . . it'll feel good for it to be furreal though.
• Thank you, David, at the Clark/Lake Starbucks, for giving me the worst free coffee of my life. i was a hot mess and you let me in after close. put the $5 tip toward some sexy sunglasses.
• must.sober.up.before.work.
• planting (metaphorical and non-) seeds with students this afternoon.
• I think I'd be awesome at racquetball.
  

good feelings

I fell into a fresh start. never meant to feel this good on a Monday morning. that's part of the charm. today is a big day. and I am unafraid.

teach me to spit

teach me to spit
skip stones and shit

seem to not care
take the tough dare

brother
big brother
come home from school early

cherish my innocence
scratch my itch

i love you i love you
but you can't really know me

yet, or ever?

be a good little non-materialistic non-traditional feminist

and don't ask for anything beyond the state mandated 28% of your ex's income for child support.

I don't think so! May 7th is so close and yet so far away.

I was telling José the gardener, who presently has his own marital and legal problems, La cosa mas importante de la vida es amor amor amor. Mi esposo, el no cree en l'amor sin condiciones. No quiere a luchar ahora, y a beneficiar tarde, en la futura.
--Tu esposo no regresso?? (incredulously)
--No. he's done.
--Loco.
--I know, right!? No quiere essayer. No entiende que en eso momento, Hay mucho estresso, mucho trabaja con los hijos . ..
--Es la verdad, Catalina. Lo se. Puedes prestarme con un numero de Social Security?
--No, lo siento. pero tienes un bueno Pasqual con sus ninos!

and now you know why Dora begs me to not speak Spanish to her!

Going bowling tonight if I get our taxes done after school. What a treat! Have to find just the right ass-pants for it (for tax-time. Bowling pants are easy to choose).

Question

When you are talking to someone on Thursday, and you already have plans for Saturday with said person . . . are you not supposed to ask what they're doing on Friday night?

Clearest Clear Midnight Ever

I love this site, its concept; it will change the way I teach poetry.

I know, back to work, K.